## The acorn

Q. What did the mathematical acorn say when it grew up?
A. Gee I'm a tree (Geometry).

## Halloween

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi

## Mathematicians at the beach

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun

## Zero said to eight

Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt!

## Terrorist

New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of Maths instruction

## Mermaid

Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An algae-bra.

## Fear

Q. Why is the number six scared of seven?
A. Because seven eight nine (7 ate 9)!

## Crushed Angle

Q. What do you call a crushed angle?

A. A rectangle!

## No homework

Pupil: Would you punish me for something I haven't done? Teacher: Of course not. Pupil: That's good because I haven't done my homework!

## Dog with a bad foot

Q. Why is a dog with a bad foot like adding 6 and 7? A. Because he puts down three and carries the one.

## Misers

Q. Why are misers good Maths Teachers? A. Because they know how to make every penny count!.

## Powers

Q. Why are powers like fish? A. Because they're all indices (in the seas!)

## How many times?

Q: how many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards? A: I can subtract it as many times as I want, and it leaves 76 every time.

Q. Why did the Maths textbook look so sad? A. Because it had so many problems and the chemistry book had all the solutions.

## Three types of people

There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.

## Hot corner

If it is cold, go and stand in the corner, because it is 90 degrees there.

## Binary

There are 10 kinds of people in this world; those who understand binary and those who don't.

## Calculus

Try to avoid doing calculus when you are thirsty. You have heard the warning, don't drink and derive!

## Sun Circle

Q. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A. Pi in the sky.

## Sailors

3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!

## High Cooking

Q. What do you call a saucepan of simmering soup on top of a mountain?
A. A high-pot-in-use!

## Algebra

Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back. We don't know Y either.

## Timber

Q. Why did the (x2+1) tree fall over?
A. Because it had no real roots!

## Topics

I will do algebra, I'll do trigonometry and I'll even do statistics but geometry and graphing is where I draw the line!

## Calendars

Calendars, their days are numbered.

## Delicious

The following sign appeared on an episode of the Simpsons.

## No Comprende

I don't understand how to double 2n. It sounds 4n to me.

## Big Dinner

What did the Mathematician say after eating a very large dinner?

## Glasses improve vision

Always wear glasses to Maths lessons. They help with division!

## Graph paper

I see you have graph paper. You must be plotting something!

## Angle talk

Q. What did the complementary angle say to the acute angle?
A. You are looking nice today.

## Number Bases

Why did the mathematician think that Halloween was the same as Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

## Two hundred and eighty eight

I could tell you a joke about 288… But I won’t as it’s two gross!

## Round Table

Q. Which one of King Arthur's knights built the round table?
A. Sir Cumference.

## Negatives

I am terrified of negative numbers. I will stop at nothing to avoid them!

## Can't Keep Still

What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A: A roamin’ numeral.

Sanjeev,

Thursday, March 13, 2014

"I had an argument with a ninety degree angle. It turns out it was right!"

Jaffa,

Monday, May 19, 2014

"Q. What is sine jerine over cosine jerine?
A. Tangerine?"

Thursday, June 5, 2014

"Son:''My Math Teacher is crazy''.
Mother:'' Why??
Son:Yesterday she told us that 5 is 4+1;today she is telling us that 5 is 3+2 !!"

Joey, Essex

Friday, June 6, 2014

"Keith: 'How many sides does a square have?'
Joey: 'Six'
Keith: 'You are an idiot! How did you figure that out?'
Joey: 'Well it has a top, a bottom, a left side, a right side, an inside and an outside!'."

Isoball, Mawiner

Monday, June 23, 2014

"Knock knock,
Who's there?
Canoe,
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my maths?"

Josie,

Monday, July 7, 2014

"MATHS TEACHER : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

STUDENT: I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter."

Sakshi, Nanded

Friday, August 1, 2014

"Q: How can you make seven even?
A: by removing the 's'!"

John Cuthbert, YARM

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

"Can you read this : 11was1greyhnd
12was12
1211race
11112
Ans: Oneone was one greyhound
Onetwo was one too
Onetwo won one race
Oneone won one too."

John Cuthbert, YARM

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

"What is the favourite destination for Maths teachers?
Ans Tenby."

Jane, The Tower In The Garden

Thursday, January 29, 2015

"A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London's Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses and a calculator.
At a press conference, a UK Border Control spokesman said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like X and Y and refer to themselves as 'unknowns;' but we have determined that they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle.'"

Charlie Houston, Derby

Thursday, March 26, 2015

"What happened to the plant in the maths room?
It grew square roots!"

Peter,

Thursday, July 9, 2015

"Pupil: why am I in trouble for something I did not do?
teacher: the 'something I did not do' was your homework."

MCPE Remix, MC²

Friday, July 10, 2015

"Why did all the meters run from the 1000m race?
It was a Killer Meter ar the end."

Tony, Connecticut

Saturday, October 10, 2015

"A math student went into a store and bought 2 copies of MATH FOR DUMMIES at \$16.99 each. The total was \$50."

Ava And Avril, Tralee

Friday, January 15, 2016

"Parallel lines have so much in common its a pity they'll never meet."

Biswajit, Salipur

Monday, April 11, 2016

"Einstien's wife: How am I looking?
Einstien: Reciprocal of cos c.
wife: what?
Einstien: yes.1/cos c= sec c(sexy)."

Anon,

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

"What do you call a dead parrot?
A polygon!"

Transum,

Thursday, June 2, 2016

"If the test question is three minus the square root of nine you can write down nothing but get full marks!"

Friday, September 9, 2016

"If a got 50 pence for every time I failed a maths exam I'd have about £6.30 now."

Katie, Birmingham

Thursday, March 30, 2017

"What's a maths teacher's favourite food?
Takeaway !!"

BP,

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

"Q:What do you call a shape that is out of shape?
A: Unfit."

Thursday, June 22, 2017

"A Mathematician can't remember whether he's been going out with his girlfriend for one year or two but he knows it's <3."

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

"Sheepdog: There are 40 sheep.
Farmer: I counted 36.
Sheepdog: I rounded 'em up."

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

"An opinion without 3.14159265359 is just an onion."

Shirtbox,

Sunday, July 16, 2017

"Did you know that three out of two people have trouble with fractions?"

Friday, October 13, 2017

"f(x) walks into a bar. The barman says, 'Sorry, we don't cater for functions.'"

Friday, October 13, 2017

"The Romans didn't find algebra very challenging because X was always 10."

Transum,

Sunday, December 17, 2017

"Q. What do you need to calculate the distance around a circle of sheep?
A. Shepherds’ Pi."

Anon,

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

"Teacher: What is half of 8?
Student: Miss, do you mean horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3."

Alexa, Amazon

Monday, January 29, 2018

"Did you hear about the over-educated circle? It got 360 degrees!"

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

"Q: Why didn't the two 4s want any dinner?

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

"Maths teachers are very good dancers because they have many algorithms."

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